Role Models and The Fathers That Created Them

In my ongoing search for articles and literature on fatherhood, I came across an interesting article a few days ago. It's titled "Just Be There For Them: Perceptions among Single, Low-Income Men" (scroll down to the end of this blog for more information).

While I am not single, I am low-income...and even if I had an affluent income, I would still find value in this article. It speaks about fatherhood. The basic premise is that the interviewed men view the Role of being a father through their experiences with their fathers: how did "closeness" with their fathers define their roles of being a father to their children.

The role of "Breadwinner" is an interesting role (and a role emphasized in the article), which is hard for me to ignore and harder to find satisfaction. My wife and I want to both be "breadwinners", but she's had a hard time finding a job in Austin. This is a hard town to live in.

While I struggle to define myself as breadwinner, I have found an identity in the "Just be there for them" Role. The easiest part of my day is coming home from my day job and picking up my daughter and giving her a hug. At the age of 11 months, I'd say we are already two peas in a pod. She is my life. And where I struggle is whether or not I can retain this sense of togetherness with her and at the same time work extra hours (or get a higher paying job with more demand on my time) to make more money.

I hate the idea of making money. I take responsibility for this. I could go out and get a second job, make it easier on our family. But then I'd give up some of the time I have with my daughter. I won't do that unless it was absolutely necessary to our survival. A prominent Austin pastor (and mentor of mine) told me recently, "I speak to many affluent fathers, and every last one of them wished they would have given up their "non-essential" income to spend more time with their children."

I decided I would not be a "wish I had been there more often" father. My work...that part of me that I will need to come to terms with...is how to be there for my daughter throughout her life and also provide for her financially. At this moment in my life I've sacrificed financial autonomy (we have family support) for emotional connection.

And I would do it again and again and again.

To read the article, go here
The article is in Volume 7, Number 1/Winter 2009. The cost to download is $14.